Plan B

Happy Thursday everyone and welcome back! I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted. Let’s just say there’s been a lot going on. We left off with me getting ready to go up to college. The semester was absolutely AMAZING. I was so nervous about my roommates, but we’re basically lifelong friends at this point. I am beyond grateful that I met them and was assigned to room with them!  During this semester I really got to fully experience the college life. Which included a few cooking mishaps, homework, finals, cleaning checks, and spontaneous adventures. Oh, and I almost started a fire in the kitchen 3 weeks into the semester. You know that’s just college stuff, right?? It was extra fun because my sister and brother in law were up there too. I also was lucky to meet some cool people in a few of my classes and I had a couple of really great professors. In addition to all that, I met a great guy who made me the happiest. It was really good until it wasn’t. I learned a lot from the relationship and sometimes when you give it your all and the other person isn’t willing or able too, it can take a toll on your emotions and even sometimes your health.  At the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you, even if it’s hard or hurts you or the other person. Even with this stressful relationship that recently ended, I’ve been reminded that some things don’t work out how you would have hoped and that you need to be your first priority. Still, I can’t express how amazing and perfect this semester was. Looking back on it, I am even more grateful for this one semester.

As you can see from the title, you can guess that some plans have changed. This is a very long story, but I am just going to summarize it the best I can.  Basically, I was doing really good (health wise) for most of the semester. I was doing so good that I extended into the Winter semester so I could room with a few of my roomies that were staying for Winter. I also wanted to see how my health would do in the rough Winter.  Towards the middle of the last month my health went south. About 2 weeks after I extended my contract, I started to experience new symptoms that I never had before. To be honest they were scary and I emailed my Cardiologist as soon as these symptoms started. My doctor prescribed a medication that he wanted me to start immediately. This was already a stressful time because it was around finals, but with my health being so bad it made everything worse. However, I was extremely blessed to have roommates who cared so much and were very helpful during this time. And having the help and comfort from my sister and brother in law was a huge blessing as well.

After the semester ended and I went home for Christmas, I had an appointment with my Cardiologist. Based on how I was feeling, I tried to cancel my Winter contract because a clause in their contract says you can be released for medical reasons. (There’s a very long, stressful story about this, but I will save that for another time. Plus, it’s still going on ugh!) My doctor asked me what my major was and wanted to know if there were any colleges at home or in California that I could transfer to. (I tend feel better when I am closer to sea level.) Based off of my new symptoms he knew that being in Idaho in the high elevation would only makes things worse. And he wanted me to be close so he could monitor me. I love my doctor because he is beyond caring and knowledgeable, and he’ll always give me the information and his opinion, but he always lets me make the choice. Leaving the appointment with this in mind, I had a lot of thinking to do. After this appointment I was thinking about what he said and was pondering my future. I spent a couple days thinking and praying about my decision. This was a very stressful and sad time for me. I know that my health is my priority and I knew what my choice needed to be; I was just too sad to admit it to myself. I made the decision that I will no longer continue my education at that college. I canceled my spring semester immediately and started thinking about other school options.

I was very distraught because I had finally made a plan. I knew what my next four years were going to look like. Now this was all coming to an end. A fun fact about POTS is that most people with it are perfectionist. This is why I felt extra good about finally having some part of my life planned out, and is why I was very stubborn about aborting that plan. Once I made the decision that the college in Idaho wouldn’t work with my health, I was trying to find a plan B. As you can imagine it’s easier said than done. The last few months have been very hard, sad, and disappointing for me. I have been frustrated because I’m trying to juggle what will work realistically for me, while still trying to achieve my goals. I’m constantly feeling like I am not doing anything or that I am lazy. I see what other people are doing and I feel like I am always behind. Which I know isn’t true, but it’s hard to always remember that. All we can ever do is our best and remember we all have different things we are dealing with.

I can’t really express how upsetting and sad this situation has made me feel. But I know that I am clearly meant to be home right now, so I am just trying to go with the flow. I am supposed to avoid stressful situations and my doctor gave me some great advice. While doing the namaste pose he said, “You need to chill out and take it easy. Just chill pumpkin.” He knows that since I am a perfectionist that I will start trying to plan and figure out my college situation, which will only cause more stress.

I have currently found a college that I will be taking online classes with. My health has been too up and down, which is why doing online is more of a sure thing. Since deciding to do online again, it brings back all of the memories from when I had to do online for two years of high school. That was a rough time but looking at the happy side of things, because I had those two years, I know I can do it. And I’m pretty dang good at it ;).

Things have been starting to look up, but Covid-19 has put a pause to my plans. I know I’m not the only one dealing with this.  I am currently unable to finish the registration process and like you, I’m not sure when things will be back to normal. But my issues are very small and not nearly as important as the safety of others. I am hoping that everyone will truly do social distancing so this can hopefully stop spreading. And I am hoping those who are health professionals and putting themselves at risk can be safe.  Until things are back to normal, I’ve done all I can with making a new plan. I know things don’t always work out how we think but everything happens for a reason. I know that I am meant to be back home right now. I may not know the reason right now, but I’m being faithful and know that this is His plan.

We all go through trying times, especially now with everything that’s going on with COVID-19. Plans are being changed and it’s a stressful, scary time. For those of you who don’t know, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. When going through a hard time I always remember that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of us. It may be different than what we planned for ourselves, but when we put our trust and faith in Him, it will all work out.

Even though these are uncertain times, if we embrace the happy side of life and we truly look for any little good that’s happening, we will start to appreciate the small things and become a little happier. Like I’ve said before, there is always something good/happy going on during the hard times we all face.

A few nights ago, I was reading my scriptures and I felt prompted to share these things. I’m not sure why, but I hope for anyone that needed to hear this, you were able to.

Sorry that this was a long post, but I know ya’ll are either quarantined or social distancing, so you don’t have an excuse to not read it lol. Just kidding, but I hope if you’ve reached your level of boredom that this will give you something to do. Until next time, thank you so much for reading this. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to email me at IgettoandIam@gmail.com or message me on Instagram @igettoandiam. 🙂

Also feel free to check out churchofjesuschrist.org  or @churchofjesuschrist on Instagram.